The Day I Stopped Doubting Myself…
When I was younger, no one really talked about mental health, so I learned to hide it. On the outside, I smiled, but on the inside, I felt small and never “good enough.”
Even when I was doing work I loved, I struggled to believe I was capable.
Then one day, everything changed.
My husband and I were kayaking on the Bay of Fundy when a freak storm came out of nowhere. One minute it felt peaceful, and the next we were in seven-foot waves, miles from shore, fighting to stay upright.
His kayak flipped and sank.
He managed to swim over to me and grab onto the bungee cord at the back of my kayak. But with his weight hanging off the back and the waves crashing around us, water started pouring into my kayak.
I remember thinking, very clearly:
So… this is how we die.
But even in that moment, something in me shifted. I slid my body forward toward the front of the kayak, just enough to lift the back and help the next wave go around us instead of straight into us. Then I paddled with everything I had left.
I was terrified. I was exhausted. But I kept going.
Somehow, we made it.
But that day stayed with me.
Not just because we survived, but because of what it showed me about myself. For so much of my life, I had held myself back. I had believed I wasn’t good enough. I had let fear make decisions for me. I had stayed quiet, stayed small, and let other people do the things I thought I couldn’t.
But in that storm, I did something I didn’t think I was capable of. I pushed past fear. I stayed calm enough to act. I helped save both of our lives. Together, we made it home.
I made a promise to myself. I would stop hiding. I would stop letting fear and self doubt make my choices for me.
I found myself asking new questions:
What else have I been holding back on?
What else could I do if I truly put my mind to it?
That experience became part of the reason I paint.
I’d always dreamed of creating my own original artwork instead of staying safely in the learning stage. But after that day, painting became more than just something I loved. It became a way to prove to myself that I could keep going. That I could trust myself. That I could face a blank canvas the same way I faced those waves.
Every time I start a new painting and stare at that blank white space, I still hear that old voice sometimes:
You’re not good enough.
But now I know how to answer it.
I remember the kayak.
I remember the storm.
I remember that I made it through something I thought would break me.
And so I paint anyway.
Every painting is another small way of choosing courage over fear. It’s my reminder that I am capable of more than I once believed. It’s also why I hope my wildlife and animal art carries something deeper than beauty alone.
When someone brings one of my paintings into their home, I hope it becomes more than something beautiful to look at.
I hope it’s a quiet reminder that even when life feels overwhelming, there is more strength inside you than you realize.
That you are enough.
If this story resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Whether it’s a moment that changed your life or simply something that came to mind while reading.
You can send me a message through my Contact page or simply reply to one of my emails if you’re already part of my studio circle.
